Jesse

“Before I even knew him, I killed my baby and balled my eyes out for three years in the darkness — then, still an unbeliever, he gave me my son who is now 25 years old.”

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What they struggled with

Father wound Childhood sexual abuse Childhood domestic violence Occult involvement Demonic oppression Shame Abortion recovery Spiritual warfare (post-conversion)Serious illness / cancer Bereavement / grief

False refuges

New age Searching for love

What this story reveals about God

Relentless pursuit Unconditional love Patience Mercy Restorer Father's heart

Religious background

New Age / spirituality Agnostic

Main testimony theme

Secondary theme

Deliverance and freedom

How they came to faith

Supernatural encounter Relational influence

Content advisory

Before you watch

Jesse's story contains graphic descriptions of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, abortion, and a year of nightly demonic attacks — this is heavy territory. What makes it worth entering is the specificity of her encounter with God: she did not find a feeling, she found a person, and the moment she understood what it cost him to be separated from the Father for her, her 15-year search ended overnight.

What this story teaches

People who are genuinely spiritually hungry will exhaust every counterfeit before they find the real thing — and the exhaustion itself can be the preparation. Jesse's 15 years in the New Age were not wasted; they were the proof that nothing else worked.

How God moved

The lie Jesse carried

When you've gone through all of that trauma, you can really think something's wrong with you and you have no value.

What Jesus showed her

Jesse carried the deep wound that after a lifetime of trauma — sexual abuse, a violent father, an abortion, lost babies, failed relationships — something must be fundamentally wrong with her and she had no value. Jesus named this lie directly and broke it at the moment she saw what it cost him to be separated from the Father for her.

Go Deeper

He will never fail you. No matter what, I promise you, those are my last words for you. Don't ever think he'll fail you. And if you are someone who not just thinks you've done a lot of bad things, oh, I'm a sinner or whatever — yeah, that, all of those things — but even more than that, if you're someone who thinks you can't be loved, you are completely wrong. Try it. Just ask him, the living God, to reveal himself to you. And when he does, give your life and you will be free. And it doesn't mean there aren't problems still and difficulties. That doesn't even matter anymore. You belong to the living God and that's all that really matters in the end.

People who are genuinely spiritually hungry will exhaust every counterfeit before they find the real thing — and the exhaustion itself can be the preparation. Jesse's 15 years in the New Age were not wasted; they were the proof that nothing else worked.

What you can take from this

If you have been trying to earn love — from God or from anyone — stop this week and say out loud: 'I don't know how to receive love I haven't earned.' That honesty is the beginning of the door opening.

Counterfeit spirituality

I was into the new age for many years. Like 15 years I was into the new age. I looked in Sufism, Buddhism, every new age you could do, feminism. I really thought he was in one of these places. Everything was boring, dead. And she said, 'I have never met someone so spiritually hungry in my life.'

Unnamed entity

For the first year of being his, I was attacked every night by Satan. My throat held, my tongue held. Just horrible, horrible experiences. I was losing my will because I was half in, half out. I couldn't even say his name, Jesus.

Core lie

When you've gone through all of that trauma, you can really think something's wrong with you and you have no value. My whole life was a trauma drama. I had so much abuse, so much anger, so much hatred, so much condemnation.

Self-condemnation cycle

I ball my eyes out for 3 years. I'm in the darkness. I was begging God for another chance. I was being with all kinds of different people I should have been with to get that other chance. After I murdered a baby that he gave me...

Religious performance

We think that he's going to change his mind, betray us, forget about us. We think he doesn't notice our pain. All the other ones you have to do this and this and this to reach him and even then you don't know if you reach him. The poem: 'Will self-persuasion convince you it still must be earned, paid for, and traded in exchange for your version of good enough?'

1

I called her up. I asked her to come back. And she comes back and I have all my unbeliever questions. And then I said, 'So, could we pray?' And she says, 'Oh, you mean get a minister?' I said, 'Well, can you pray?' And she said, 'Yes, I've been a believer for 25 years.'

2

She said, 'You're going to have to renounce everything of Satan.' Like, I didn't even know what that meant. But immediately I see a speech bubble with the little drum tobacco. She comes over, she prays, I confess him as the son of God, renounce everything of Satan, say whatever she led me in the prayer.

3

Instinctively, not reading Ephesians, instinctively I knew to get rid of it. I started a fire and I burned every single scarab of this stuff. All of it. Six big black garbage bags full of ashes. Took it all down to the road.

4

For the first year of being his, I was attacked every night by Satan. My throat held, my tongue held. Just horrible, horrible experiences. And the last time that my tongue and everything was held, and I was losing my will because I was half in, half out. And I couldn't even say his name, Jesus. And all of a sudden, you go with my tongue out. And I heard him say, 'You're no longer a prisoner of the enemy.'

5

Whatever you made me to be, I will be. And no longer holding on to the things that not just hold us back, but hold others back and hold him from doing what he wants to do through us.

Psalms 8:4

Jesse quotes 'Who is man that you are mindful of him?' in reflection on human smallness and God's captivation with his creation.

Psalms 139:13

Jesse references 'he knitted us together in our mother's wombs' in the context of God's intentional creation and her lost babies.

Isaiah 65:24

God gave Jesse this scripture audibly after she burned her New Age objects — 'Before you call, I will answer' — to sustain her through a year of nightly demonic attack.

John 14:6

Jesse quotes 'He is the way, the truth, and the life' as personally confirmed truth after trying every other path.

Philippians 4:13

Jesse references 'we can do all things through him and nothing without him' in the context of life having true value only in God.

Ephesians 6:10–18

Jesse notes she instinctively burned her New Age objects without yet having read Ephesians — retroactive recognition of the spiritual warfare principle.

Romans 8:11

Jesse references 'the same spirit that rose Jesus from the dead' lives in believers — used to encourage others that they have the same power.

Matthew 6:33

Jesse alludes to 'seeking his kingdom first' in her moment of raw complaint to God while car camping in Texas.

Matthew 12:34

Jesse quotes 'out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks' after her raw complaint to God shocked her.

Jesse spent years in the far country of New Age spirituality, exhausted every counterfeit, and returned to the Father who had been pursuing her all along.

Jesse's overnight radical transformation — from hostile unbeliever to unstoppable witness — mirrors Paul's sudden conversion and immediate proclamation.

Jesse describes the New Age as dead — 'everything was boring, dead' — and her conversion as the breath of God bringing her to life from spiritual deadness.

Jesse tried every spiritual well — Sufism, Buddhism, New Age — and found them all empty until she encountered the one who is the only true source.

Jesse's Christian Walk

Immediately lost the ability to swear — she had put truck drivers to shame. Became radically transformed overnight: reading the Word six hours a day, worshipping six hours, singing to God. People who knew her as a miserable, angry person said 'What happened to you? You're so different.' She raised her son and entered international ministry. Even in ICU, her joy was described as contagious by her ophthalmologist.

From then on I was like this completely transformed person. Literally overnight. Radical. When they say radical salvation, that was me.

Prayer

The power of Prayer — Social worker / family services visitor stood in the gap for Jesse.

A quasi-social worker from family services visited Jesse regularly in Tasmania while she was a new single mother. After hearing Jesse's New Age practices and seeing her spiritual hunger, she went out on a limb and told her about Yeshua, Jesus — risking her professional position to do so. She returned when Jesse called, answered her unbeliever questions wisely, led her in a prayer of confession and renunciation, and left her with gospel excerpts and the words: 'The veil has been lifted and you will read the scriptures differently.' Jesse believes she had prayed beforehand, which is why Jesse never followed through on her plan to have her fired.

Is today your day?

Yes — I'm Ready

Absolutely, He will.

You don't have to figure everything out right now.

You don't need to have all the answers.

If something stirred in your heart while you were watching or reading — that's not nothing.

That is the Holy Spirit gently knocking on the door of your heart.

Stay right here. There's no rush. The Spirit doesn't pressure or hurry.

Watch another video. Read a little more. Take your time.

When you're ready — even if “ready” just means a little curious — Jesus is ready to meet you.

You don't have to clean up your life first.

You don't have to pass any test.

You only need to say a simple “yes” to Him.

He will take care of the rest.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Luke 11:9

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